Stories


Womb twin survivors have a fascinating story to tell and this has always been encouraged. The stories that have been sent to Althea for publication are available to read, and demonstrate the wide range of experiences that womb twin survivors have as they try to live out their Dream of the Womb.



A Womb Twin 9/11 by Monica


My Beautiful Triplets by Kate


Virtual Coffee by Andre


The Primal Wound by Brian


A Near Miss by Dana and her Mum


I Need to Die by Anonymous


A Food Addict Seeks Help by Anonymous


Finding Joy by Josephine


Mis-diagnosed as a "schizophrenic" by Anonymous


When I found my twin by Mary


Surviving the death of my womb twins by Claudia



The following shorter stories have been sent to us over the years by womb twin survivors, who wish to remain anonymous but were happy for us to publish them on our website.



I've always had relationship issues, with my siblings, my family, things like that. I don't really remember HOW I found out about my womb twin, but I know it was a young age. We don't really talk about it because no one believes my mom and they all think she's lying... The look on her face in the rare moments that we do talk about it is proof enough to me. And the fact that I really have always felt like I was missing something. I think about it a lot but it's really hard to talk about. Sometimes when I can't sleep, I stop and think, what would she be like? Look like? My twin is a part of me and it's crazy to believe that something so incredible couldn't be here with me. I have a twin, a sister, her name would have been Allison. I miss you and never really met you. RIP my sister.

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I always kind of knew I was a twin. I wasn't quite sure and I told people I had an unborn brother, although I was sure I had made it up. But today I found out I hadn't. He was real. And although my mom said he was "lost" after 9 weeks of pregnancy so it's not worth being upset over. I know a lot about anatomy, enough to know that's the time a baby can first smile. It's good to know he never felt pain, and I keep dreaming about him. I suppose it's good because now he's just watching over me.

I just have to live more than most people to make up for him.


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My identical twin sister was stillborn. I have always known I am a twin. As an infant I had nightmares and the doctor said it was because I was a twin, and as soon as I put my "love for my twin" on to someone else I'd be OK. I was very close to my Dad, when he died I was close to my Mum. I now feel very alone as they are both dead. I have a brother, husband & two daughters but they have their own lives. I now have no soul mate. I have always felt alone and not part of groups - I just need my one special person, my other half. I have always felt alone but not lonely.


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My daughter is a womb twin survivor. I went in for a doctors appointment and ended up having an emergency C-section because my baby girl wasn't growing. Her twin had already died weeks before. They were supposed to be born in August but just one was born in early June. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like with five kids instead of four. But I know that, if that baby lived, then we wouldn't have been able to afford to send her to a Christian school. And she probably wouldn't know Jesus today.


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I have always thought I must have been a twin. I always felt something was missing. I would pretend I had a twin, or daydream about it. My mother had bleeding when she was four months pregnant with me, so it is possible that I had a twin who died. She even said she wondered if I was a twin. In my early 20s I found out I had Asperger's Syndrome, and I thought that must explain everything, why I was so different growing up, but I still wonder, did I have a twin? I'm about 80% sure I did.

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I knew early on that I was different from my siblings. I was very athletic and was surprised when I realized that my left side had little feeling, was weaker and I had little control of it. This began a lifetime of being told I was deformed. I have two extra ribs, only four lumbar vertebrae, a deformed right kidney, abnormally small uterus, abnormal right ovary, a tooth in my sinus. My heart is normal but the arteries are turned backward. I could never get an explanation. One day a nurse said that I might want to read up on vanishing twins. Finally it all made sense---


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Several years ago I told my aunt that I always felt I should have had a twin brother. She told me to speak to my mother. My mother described how, when I was born, the midwife said that there had been two babies conceived but that only one had survived. I lead a largely happy life but deep down I feel a loss which I have never been able to fulfil. I am a very logical person but I know this feeling of loss is the absence of my twin. I woke tonight with this feeling and Googled this for the first time and found this website. I could weep. Thank you.


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My twin Bruce died at birth and I was always searching for something as a small child. I didn't know until I got older that I probably was looking for him. I think my life would have been more joyful, and I believe I would have been a different person had he been in it. I've always missed him, especially on our birthday. Losing a twin is like losing a part of me, and I've always thought, the best part of me.


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I had a tube and ovary ectomy last week, after several weeks of diffuse pain and subfebrile temperatures the week before. Despite, no inflammation was being found, but a dermoid cyst. Back home, I started reading about it and was deeply impressed and overwhelmed: a lost twin? Was that why I led my life always looking for others to feel good and accept rarely getting my needs fulfilled by them? Feeling increasingly alone and not belonging to this world? Thinking about death as a friend? Being attracted by the same type of partners - disastrous co-relationships with the deepest feelings of love and tolerating to be smashed on the ground by them, up and down all the time, helpless, eager for harmony and no way to manage it? Not able to demand respect for my own needs and feelings, but struggling to fulfill their wishes to keep away from conflicts and being left? I'm just at the beginning of dealing with this issue, but I feel it's true for me: I lost my twin.


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I learned this week working with a professional who practices muscle testing and tapping that i am a vanishing twin survivor. WoW! New to me. During this week's session he pinpointed all my pain, anger and grief as well as the feeling of not wanting to be here, feeling a deep loneness, feeling of isolation and feeling different all my life. Thru the use of the techniques he said I was not crazy as I have been told, I am a vanishing twin survivor. I lost my twin during second trimester at 4 months. This is very new but I fit the profile to a tee. I am left handed, but i can also do things well with my right hand. I hear voices. All my life I've had dreams of trying to save a tiny fetus that somehow got out of the womb and I am an adult but no matter how I try to save this tiny little thing I never can. The dream is always the same. I have always thought I was losing my mind until this new knowledge surfaced. The info feels right as I research it more and more. The feeling of grief, anger and sometimes rage I have always felt I now realize the root of those feelings. Especially the deep feeling of alone-ness. My mother is dead so I cannot verify with her if anything was unusual about her pregnancy. But I feel I have finally found something rational to explain why I have always felt this way. I am now 55yrs old and I am not crazy!


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I guessed that I have a twin - my parents don't know, nor they even know about the vanishing twin syndrome. All they knew was that Mother had bleeding in the third month of pregnancy. But I can never fit into my school; always that empty feeling deep down in my heart that stopped me from going any further. I did not dare to perform my best. I have the habit to get things in even numbers -- two, four, six, eight. When I buy things involving colours I always buy two opposite colours, eg. black and white, red and blue etc. I suspect that I have a twin -- I am almost sure. And I am grateful that I am the survivor, because I know how lonely it feels, and I am relieved that my twin does not have to go through what I am going through now.


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My mom never had an ultrasound, so I don't know for sure. But I've always been obsessed with twins, been lonely in crowds, and dreamed I had a brother. As an adult, I struggle with depression, have had 3 miscarriages, and have polycystic ovaries (a condition which is caused by having too many male hormones). I am messy and never finish what I start. I often feel unworthy. I also have only one copy of a genetic mutation. I get really upset at the thought of raising my son with no living siblings, and have actually gotten angry with people who intentionally stop after one child or who complain about their siblings. Is it possible that I might have absorbed my twin brother? I wish I had some proof, I'm tired of being called crazy.

 

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I am a twinless twin. I have been aware of this for my whole life. People often looked at my mother as if she is crazy. For a long time I was on the fence. I do however feel like I never fit in even thou I have a lot of friends and find relationships - personal relationships hard to form. Even have a tattoo of the name my mother was going to give my twin on my back. A few years ago I went to a psychic and she actually told me I was supposed to be a twin.


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My brother was stillborn at 2 lbs and I was 2.5 lbs, born at the same time 2 months premature. I was told by my father after my brother was born when I was 14. My parents never mentioned it again. I never feel loved by my mother, she has never told me she loves me (although my dad did) and never asks after me. I am so tired of always thinking and searching. I want to be at peace and be happy and have a mind to enjoy life but even in writing this, I feel uncomfortable and a bit scared to do that. I think there is a lot of deep pain that I need to investigate before I could let it go. I would like to name my brother and to find out what I have missed. Now I can imagine how amazing it would be to have someone who would have really understood me, and loved me, I feel there is a great void to explore but I don't know how. Thanks for giving me this opportunity to find out I am not weird.

 

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My mum was a twin and just recently I found out I was one too. This broke my heart and all my life I have wanted a brother or sister and now I have one but it's not the same. I feel alone even with my friends and yearn for that special person who I can count on. When I was younger I used to have imaginary friends and pretend we were twins. Now I realise why I am different. For some reason reading these stories comforts me and makes me feel as though I am not alone and we are all connected.  I have never said this before... but I think somewhere my brother (I think it's a he) is still out there and I just wish I had someone who I could mess around with and talk to, but life goes on I guess......


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When I was younger, I always wanted a brother and it was something I would beg my parents for. Now, I am 13 and have a younger sister and just recently my mum told me I was a twin but he died before being born. Basically: my mum thought she was only pregnant with one child and then I don't know how far in, but she started bleeding and had to go to hospital. It was revealed my twin had died and she realised she had another baby in there! ME! The doctors didn't know before, but they thought there was only one and that it was a he (I am a girl.) So now my mum has told me, I suddenly feel so alone and wonder what my twin brother would have looked like... As I said earlier, it was a boy and I always wanted a brother. Now at home it's hard times and I wish there was someone I could talk to. Sometimes when I was younger I used to dream that there was a boy with a cloud like thing around him and he would comfort me.  I don't know... i just really wish my twin would have survived. He would have been called Niall or Connor  - R.I.P.


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I am 21 and have always felt incomplete. I have bouts of severe depression and need something, someone there that does not exist. I recently asked my mother about the time around my birth. She confessed she been forced to abort and realised she was pregnant soon after. I asked her for some reason if there was any chance I may have been a twin. She turned pale and asked me, "Why do you say that?" She had thought this too, but had given up on the notion. I wonder if infact I had a womb twin that was killed and I survived somehow. I suppose I will never know. Nor will I find the person and the comfort I have searched for all my life.


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I come from a family of eight, and knew early on that I was different from my siblings. My father called me the runt of the litter. My sisters reached puberty no later than 12. I was 14 before I started to mature. It was then that I began to notice things about my body. I was very athletic and was suprised when I realized that my left side had little feeling, was weaker and I had little control of it. This began a lifetime of being told I was deformed. I have two extra ribs, only four lumbar vertebrae, a deformed right kidney, abnormally small uterus, abnormal right ovary, a tooth in my sinus. My heart is normal but the arteries are turned backward. Doctors throw up their hands as to how to treat me. It has been so frustrating that I could never get an explanation. If you fit a mold, a doctor knows how to treat you, but if you don't, you are treated like a freak. One day a nurse mentioned to me that I might want to read up on vanishing twins. I did and answered a questionnaire Althea had on line. Finally something made sense. The response I got was so shocking at the time. It said that I most probably started out as an identical twin and the weaker left side and the weaker deformed organs was my sister's. I have spoken with several of my doctors and was surprised by the response. My OBGYN agreed with the suggestion, and added that I was most probably a mirror twin, due to the fact that outside the left side is the weaker, but inside the right side is the weaker and deformed. For a while I was shocked and unable to talk about it. I have always felt a presence with me and have longed for someone to understand. I'm now 62 and have been married for 44 years. We have 3 children and 12 grandchildren. Sometimes I feel so alone. It's as if I can't feel where she ends and I begin. I'm thankful that I survived, but feel guilty that she didn't. I have always been super sensitive to others' feelings and know what they are about to say. I was told due to my problems I might never carry a child. When I became pregnant I was thrilled, but in my first trimester I started to bleed. I was told I was trying to miscarry and put to bed, but made it through and delivered a healthy son. He too has always been sensitive to others' feelings. As a toddler he would know if I was the least bit upset and ask what was wrong. There are times when I have an unbearable longing to know my child and wonder what he would look like and would he have been just like his brother? I find solace in the fact that one day I will see him and my sister. I often tell him how much I would have loved him, and I tell my sister how sorry I am that she is not here with me.


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I was informed by events during my participation in a family Constellation Workshop that I had a twin.The person acting 'me' was acting frightened and angry and the facilitator moved a cushion (representing my twin) next to her. She immediately relaxed and felt supported. After that I had a dream in which my identical twin featured and was preventing me from casting my fishing rod into a river. I had hooked an ankh cross (symbol of life) and she grabbed it saying "that's mine!". There have been many nudges since then (through dreams and art and actual events) showing me that I lost her in the first trimester.


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I'm 18 and I just found out my mom is pregnant with her 3rd child (she didn't tell anyone because she wants to make sure everything goes ok this time - last time when my sister was born, she had too much fluid in her lungs and had to go to the ICU for a few weeks). When my mom and I were talking today about how impossible this is (as a doctor told her she can never have kids without those hormone shots.) Even the doctors were amazed and said there's a 1 in a million chance (she's even in her early 40's!). In the talk she wondered if she should tell me some secret and than decided not to. But I kept pushing until she did. She said that I was a twin, but the twin had died a week before I was born. She also said she went to the doctor's when she felt something was wrong and they coudn't find anything. It wasnt until I was born that everyone found out. At first I started laughing (it's my reaction to sad news somehow.) I then got very upset, knowing that when I was a kid I had a lot of trouble (still do) making new friends. I was always treated badly as a kid by other kids always made fun of me - maybe because I wear a turban. But I knew that from the first day I could remember, I had this imaginary friend. I still have this voice inside my head, which sounds just like me but feels strange. My mom also told me that when I was a kid I always use to beg for a twin and or a brother (my twin was a brother and I was 2 seconds older.) I don't really know how to explain this but I feel empty at times, alone in this world, and that there's something missing in my life. I have a little sister (12 years difference) but I don't really have anyone I could go to for anything. I always felt like I had a twin because everytime I watched any show on TV about those twin powers or something similar, I found out that I could guess a lot of things that just turned out to be "lucky" guesses. I know I sound crazy but I really wish I could do something to change this feeling inside. My mom also said that they could of taken the babies (us) out earlier and maybe saved all 3 of us (she said that they got lucky that my mom and I made it through the operation.) But you can't do anything now as the doctors were/are in India and the law there is very corrupt.


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My favorite childhood fantasy was finding out I had a twin. When I was pregnant I wanted badly to have twins. I am fascinated by everything about them. My mother thought she had miscarried me at around 12 weeks when she experienced cramping and bleeding. I am almost sure I once had a twin. I feel the loss of her every day. How that is possible when I was only a tiny embryo at the time I don't know. I just know the feeling of loss and endless curiosity is real.


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My identical twin sister was stillborn. I have always known I am a twin. As an infant I had nightmares. The doctor said it was because I was a twin & as soon as I put my "love for my twin" on to some one else I'd be OK. I was very close to my dad. When he died I was close to my mum. I now feel very alone as they are both dead. I have a brother, husband and two daughters but they have their own lives. I now have no soul mate. I have always felt alone & not part of groups. I just need my one special person, my other half. I have always felt alone but not lonely.


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My twin brother died when we were 4 months along, I was born 1 and a half months early. I feel like a part of me is missing. I feel lonely and so guilty. I know he's out there somewhere but I just wish he was here.


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I am a 16 year old female. I have always felt very alone, outside of myself. Inside, there always seems to be more of me. I'm always talking to myself, but it isn't really me. When I was in elementary school, the kids would sometimes bring lunch to their younger sibling, or other things like that. And I would cry. When I was in middle school (Hard years) And someone would even say to me "My brother and I" or "My sister and I" I would start crying. I'm now a junior in high school and to this day, whenever I see two sisters, close sisters, doing things together, I cry. And I will stay upset for a few days. I've always obsessed over twins. Tia and Tamera, Coco and Breezy, Mary-Kate and Ashley. I've always felt my life would be THAT much better with a twin. We would be together always and we would create and succeed. And I was always "Mom, I'm telling you. I had a twin, but before anyone knew, she died." And my parents would just say "Noooo. No, no, no" My father has 6 siblings, 2 of which are twins. My mother has 2 sisters, she is the middle child. They don't understand how it feels to be an only child, and having this constant craving for a sibling, and not just a sibling, a twin. A feeling that you have one, somewhere, and you just don't know about it. Well today, I found out. And I found out that many parts of my personality that I can't account for are because of this. And now I'm a loner. I only want to be alone. I love people, from a distance, but not so much having to deal with them. I'm not very big on my family, I don't have many friends. And I like it that way. I'm an independent person, I truly function better that way. Except for my twin. She is the only person I want to be around. I want to be with. I love my sister. I said it MY sister. And now I'm crying. Ha! In reality I want it to be just me and my sister, taking on the world. But I have me. Just me.


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I had an identical twin sister in the womb, but due to Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome she died approximately 3 months before we were due to be born. My mother did not tell me anything whatsoever about her until I was 16 years old (I am now nearly 19), but throughout my childhood I had an imaginary friend whom I pretended was my "twin sister", and have always had feelings I could never quite describe properly, but which have related to feeling incomplete, or inadequate. Ever since I found out about the existence of my sister, I've felt many different things. Grief primarily, but also anger at my parents for not telling me, anger at the hospital for not being able to stop it, anxiety that I have greatly upset my parents by having these reactions, as well as worrying that I have hugely overreacted to the entire situation, as I didn't even know her. These feelings come and go, but can occasionally be almost overwhelming. It has even lead to me using my very active imagination to invent situations where my sister somehow survived, and was brought up in secret by another family, and that someday I will have a chance meeting with her. I have no idea how to stop such feelings, and imagine that they will carry on indefinitely, until I achieve some form of closure. This is made difficult by the method my parents have found easiest, which is to not think about it or discuss it at all; for example, she has no name, though my mother once told me I could give her a name if I wanted. Sometimes I think of her as having my middle name, but other times it just doesn't feel right. Now, it feels like I have hit a dead end. I am wary of discussing the matter further with my parents in case it upsets them, and I simply don't know what I can do to move on.


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I found out my twin was stillborn when I was 12. I always felt alone/lonely. I am the youngest of 4 children the only girl. I always felt my twin was a girl but was never told anything. My brother has since said it was a boy. I wish I knew. I felt guilty for a long time then I felt I had to fill my life with as much experience as possible. This only served to ruin my life, looking for love and acceptance and making more than double my share of mistakes. I felt my mother had given me two names hyphenated because my twin was a girl. I wish I knew. I dropped the second name as it confused people, then when I found out about my twin it made me feel more guilty.


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