My brother was stillborn at 2 lbs and I was 2.5 lbs, born at the same time 2 months premature. I was told by my father after my brother was born when I was 14. My parents never mentioned it again. I never feel loved by my mother, she has never told me she loves me (although my dad did) and never asks after me. I am so tired of always thinking and searching. I want to be at peace and be happy and have a mind to enjoy life but even in writing this, I feel uncomfortable and a bit scared to do that. I think there is a lot of deep pain that I need to investigate before I could let it go. I would like to name my brother and to find out what I have missed. Now I can imagine how amazing it would be to have someone who would have really understood me, and loved me, I feel there is a great void to explore but I don't know how. Thanks for giving me this opportunity to find out I am not weird.

 

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My mum was a twin and just recently I found out I was one too. This broke my heart and all my life I have wanted a brother or sister and now I have one but it's not the same. I feel alone even with my friends and yearn for that special person who I can count on. When I was younger I used to have imaginary friends and pretend we were twins. Now I realise why I am different. For some reason reading these stories comforts me and makes me feel as though I am not alone and we are all connected.  I have never said this before... but I think somewhere my brother (I think it's a he) is still out there and I just wish I had someone who I could mess around with and talk to, but life goes on I guess......

 

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When I was younger, I always wanted a brother and it was something I would beg my parents for. Now, I am 13 and have a younger sister and just recently my mum told me I was a twin but he died before being born. Basically: my mum thought she was only pregnant with one child and then I dont know how far in, but she started bleeding and had to go to hospital. It was revealed my twin had died and she realised she had another baby in there! ME! The doctors didn't know before, but they thought there was only one and that it was a he (I am a girl.) So now my mum has told me, I suddenly feel so alone and wonder what my twin brother would have looked like... As I said earlier, it was a boy and I always wanted a brother. Now at home it's hard times and I wish there was someone I could talk to. Sometimes when I was younger I used to dream that there was a boy with a cloud like thing around him and he would comfort me.  I don't know... i just really wish my twin would have survived. He would have been called Niall or Connor  - R.I.P.

 

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I am 21 and have always felt incomplete. I have bouts of severe depression and need something, someone there that does not exist. I recently asked my mother about the time around my birth.  She confessed she been forced to abort and realised she was pregnant soon after.  I asked her for some reason if there was any chance I may have been a twin. She turned pale and asked me, "Why do you say that?" She had thought this too, but had given up on the notion.  I wonder if infact I had a womb twin that was killed and I survived somehow. I suppose I will never know. Nor will I find the person and the comfort I have searched for all my life.

 

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I come from a family of eight, and knew early on that I was different from my siblings. My father called me the runt of the litter. My sisters reached puberty no later than 12. I was 14 before I started to mature. It was then that I began to notice things about my body. I was very athletic and was suprised when I realized that my left side had little feeling, was weaker and I had little control of it. This began a lifetime of being told I was deformed. I have two extra ribs, only four lumbar vertebrae, a deformed right kidney, abnormally small uterus, abnormal right ovary, a tooth in my sinus.  My heart is normal but the arteries are turned backward. Doctors throw up their hands as to how to treat me. It has been so frustrating that I could never get an explanation. If you fit a mold, a doctor knows how to treat you, but if you don't, you are treated like a freak. One day a nurse mentioned to me that I might want to read up on vanishing twins. I did and answered a questionnaire Althea had on line. Finally something made sense. The response I got was so shocking at the time. It said that I most probably started out as an identical twin and the weaker left side and the weaker deformed organs was my sister's. I have spoken with several of my doctors and was surprised by the response. My OBGYN agreed with the suggestion, and added that I was most probably a mirror twin, due to the fact that outside the left side is the weaker, but inside the right side is the weaker and deformed. For a while I was shocked and unable to talk about it. I have always felt a presence with me and have longed for someone to understand. I'm now 62 and have been married for 44 years. We have 3 children and 12 grandchildren. Sometimes I feel so alone. It's as if I can't feel where she ends and I begin. I'm thankful that I survived, but feel guilty that she didn't. I have always been super sensitive to others' feelings and know what they are about to say. I was told due to my problems I might never carry a child. When I became pregnant I was thrilled, but in my first trimester I started to bleed. I was told I was trying to miscarry and put to bed, but made it through and delivered a healthy son. He too has always been sensitive to others' feelings. As a toddler he would know if I was the least bit upset and ask what was wrong. There are times when I have an unbearable longing to know my child and wonder what he would look like and would he have been just like his brother? I find solace in the fact that one day I will see him and my sister. I often tell him how much I would have loved him, and I tell my sister how sorry I am that she is not here with me.

 

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I was informed by events during my participation in a family Constellation Workshop that I had a twin.The person acting 'me' was acting frightened and angry and the facilitator moved a cushion (representing my twin) next to her. She immediately relaxed and felt supported. After that I had a dream in which my identical twin featured and was preventing me from casting my fishing rod into a river. I had hooked an ankh cross (symbol of life) and she grabbed it saying "that's mine!". There have been many nudges since then (through dreams and art and actual events) showing me that I lost her in the first trimester.

 

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I'm 18 and I just found out my mom is pregnant with her 3rd child (she didn't tell anyone because she wants to make sure everything goes ok this time - last time when my sister was born, she had too much fluid in her lungs and had to go to the ICU for a few weeks). When my mom and I were talking today about how impossible this is (as a doctor told her she can never have kids without those hormone shots.) Even the doctors were amazed and said there's a 1 in a million chance (she's even in her early 40's!).  In the talk she wondered if she should tell me some secret and than decided not to.  But I kept pushing until she did.  She said that I was a twin, but the twin had died a week before I was born. She also said she went to the doctor's when she felt something was wrong and they coudn't find anything. It wasnt until I was born that everyone found out. At first I started laughing (it's my reaction to sad news somehow.) I then got very upset, knowing that when I was a kid I had a lot of trouble (still do) making new friends. I was always treated badly as a kid by other kids always made fun of me - maybe because I wear a turban. But I knew that from the first day I could remember, I had this imaginary friend.  I still have this voice inside my head, which sounds just like me but feels strange. My mom also told me that when I was a kid I always use to beg for a twin and or a brother (my twin was a brother and I was 2 seconds older.) I dont really know how to explain this but I feel empty at times, alone in this world, and that there's something missing in my life. I have a little sister (12 years difference) but I don't really have anyone I could go to for anything.  I always felt like I had a twin because everytime I watched any show on TV about those twin powers or something similar, I found out that I could guess a lot of things that just turned out to be "lucky" guesses. I know I sound crazy but I really wish I could do something to change this feeling inside. My mom also said that they could of taken the babies (us) out earlier and maybe saved all 3 of us (she said that they got lucky that my mom and I made it through the operation.) But you can't do anything now as the doctors were/are in India and the law there is very corrupt.

 

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My favorite childhood fantasy was finding out I had a twin. When I was pregnant I wanted badly to have twins.  I am fascinated by everything about them. My mother thought she had miscarried me at around 12 weeks when she experienced cramping and bleeding. I am almost sure I once had a twin. I feel the loss of her every day. How that is possible when I was only a tiny embryo at the time I don't know. I just know the feeling of loss and endless curiosity is real.

 

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My identical twin sister was stillborn. I have always known I am a twin. As an infant I had nightmares.  The doctor said it was because I was a twin & as soon as I put my "love for my twin" on to some one else I'd be OK.  I was very close to my dad. When he died I was close to my mum. I now feel very alone as they are both dead. I have a brother, husband and two daughters but they have their own lives. I now have no soul mate.  I have always felt alone & not part of groups. I just need my one special person, my other half.  I have always felt alone but not lonely.

 

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My twin brother died when we were 4 months along, I was born 1 and a half months early. I feel like a part of me is missing. I feel lonely and so guilty. I know he's out there somewhere but I just wish he was here.

 

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